Top 9 Things to go from Surviving to Thriving Postpartum

Ok, let me front-load this by telling you why you should even listen to me on this since I personally only have one child who isn’t yet a year old. For starters, I have a history of depressive tendencies and, being a firstborn, have OCD to the max and a crushing perfectionism complex. My survival took effort alone so, as you can imagine, the thriving part was really a grind.

Additionally, I don’t live super close to any of my family and most of my friends in the area have at least 2 children so, while they tried to be there and be supportive, they have obligations too (and I wouldn’t expect any different than for them to prioritize their families!).

What this article ISN’T going to be is all motivation and no reality check. You just had a frickin’ baby, regardless of the method. I don’t care if you pushed it out, had it cut out, adopted it, You’re not just going to get a pat on the back and be told, “It’s just this season, you’re doing great, mama!” And, while it’s important to note that these methods may not work for everyone, hopefully 1 or 2 will help you.

Perhaps you tweak it a bit to fit your circumstances or just get so sick of my suggestions that you decide to pull yourself together in a different way just to avoid using mine. Either way, these are the different ways I have personally used to decrease my resentment at everyone around me, start to feel like myself again and find my stride in motherhood!

A NOTE: I am very aware of Mom Guilt. I have firsthand experience of Mom Guilt. It is a very real and crushing part of having a baby. I talk about it a bit along with the changes in hormones that happen postpartum in my article on WHY YOUR HUSBAND IS MORE ANNOYING POSTPARTUM. While I have no medical training on hormones or other biological things I do think there is something to be said for having gone through it even once.

1. Take a shower

I know you probably haven’t left the house in a hot minute or maybe you’ve had people coming over in a steady stream. Regardless, I find there’s not much in life that can’t be fixed by taking a steaming hot shower. You can have your significant other, parents/siblings, or friends hold baby. You can put them in a swing, you can do it while they nap – JUST DO IT!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

It doesn’t matter if it’s hair washing day or not, take all the time you need (or can mentally be away from baby) to relax and let your mind wander – no expectations, no one needing you, etc. I understand this could be hard with multiple kids or if there is a seemingly endless list of things to do but your mental clarity is just as important to being a present mom as getting any of those things done. Look at my list of REASSURANCES & AFFIRMATIONS if you need a mantra that resonates with you to prioritize yourself!

 

2. Drink water

ESPECIALLY if you are breastfeeding but even if you are not – get your water intake done. Not only will this help with your immune system which is already running low from lack of sleep (thank 2-3 hour feed schedule) but it contributes SO SO MUCH to milk production! It is extremely obvious to me on days when I am even one tumbler behind on water!

 

3. Get outside

Really, we are all just complicated plants that need water & sunlight. In all seriousness, this is good for both you and baby! Strap your little peanut to you or use your stroller and go around the block once. Even this little bit of movement releases endorphins which can help get better quality sleep, is low-impact so it can be done almost immediately postpartum (barring complications or doctor’s restrictions), and relaxes your muscles.

Subsequently, babies can sense your stress (much like HORSES) so, by proxy, they will be calmer too (again, assuming they don’t have something else going on such as colic or an illness). I swear for the first 3 months, taking a walk while BABYWEARING was the only way my daughter would fall asleep!

 

4. Sleep when you need to

Again, I am well aware of the practicality of “sleeping when baby sleeps” especially when you have multiple kids which I can not yet relate to (as of May 2024). However, it takes a village so you definitely shouldn’t feel bad about having others who are willing and able (AND WHOM YOU TRUST) to give you the time to rest your eyes.

Again, going back to those LOVELY 2-3 hour feed times (which, let’s be honest is more like 45 minutes to 2 hours), interrupted sleep has negative effects in many areas of your cognitive functions. It can contribute to things like decreased mental clarity as well as higher anxiety and depression. For more information, you can click HERE. Sleep deprivation is the equivalent of a blood alcohol content (BAC) of 0.05% (at 18 hours) and 0.10% (at 24 hours)…the legal limit to drive is 0.08.

Moms are LITERAL superheroes!!! *I mean that as a compliment to the effort you’re putting in, not praise for your burnout!

 

5. Ignore the mess

This is a healthy boundary I was determined to implement when we came home from the hospital. From my own experience, I did not want to be the kind of parent who worried more about the house being clean or my own personal (superficial) needs more than being present to my child(ren). I had to constantly ask myself “What is the worst thing that happens if XYZ doesn’t get done” and, if the answer wasn’t catastrophic, it wasn’t a priority.

Spoiler: it was never catastrophic!

Especially postpartum it is important to have grace with yourself! You have never been a mom before. Or never been a mom of 2 before. Or 3. Or whatever! If something wasn’t technically important but was slowly taking a toll on me mentally because I couldn’t relax, eventually it crosses to a point where it does become catastrophic to not do it – no one wants mom to explode because of sensory overload if the dishes aren’t done and the floor has crumbs and the baby is crying and my clothes stink but there’s no more because laundry isn’t done, etc…In those situations, I would simply say “Hey Alexa, set a 10-minute timer” and give myself 10 minutes to improve the situation. Yes, it may not all get done. BUT, it will decrease my mental load and not burn me out because I go down a rabbit hole into a 4-hour cleaning rampage and am then resentful!

 

6. Accept help if offered – and DON’T APOLOGIZE

Again, it takes a village! Don’t feel guilty about allowing people to help you. As long as that help is within your boundaries, there is NOTHING wrong with it. For example, if you are the type of new mom who feels like something is physically missing when you aren’t holding your baby (I was!), then you don’t need to accept help in the form of someone holding the baby so you can clean.

However, if you are the type of new mom who is missing the busy-ness of life and you WANT someone to hold the baby so you can bust out a load of dishes and get the Roomba going and get a workout it, DON’T FEEL BAD about that either!

The saying “It takes a village” actually comes from an ancient African proverb meaning that it takes many people to raise babies. While yes, there are needs for your baby only you can meet on a biological level, it is unrealistic to assume you can be everything for them. For example, your husband can’t fill a role that your girlfriends can or that your mom can and, on the flip side, you wouldn’t want to be your husband’s guy friends or mom (would you?). Of course not! Some skill sets aren’t natural to you and that’s where others help you excel!

 

7. Know your limits

This ties in a bit to the “It takes a village.” I know as a mom it is customary to become (notice I say BECOME and not that you immediately are) a professional anticipator of everyone’s needs. However, this shouldn’t mean yours fall by the wayside. This can lead, not only to burnout but resentment. Neither of which are a good quality for a mom to have long-term! Self-awareness is a muscle to be worked! Once you become aware of your limits, you will BECOME better at staying within them, proactively.

 

8. There’s no “normal”

As a type A person with a touch of OCD sprinkled in, this point is a hard pill for me to swallow. But that’s the beauty of life. No day is going to be the same as the last and no baby is going to be just like another. That means you constantly get to have different experiences and make different memories at any given moment!

Perhaps that’s how you found yourself on this page, down the rabbit hole that is the internet, searching for answers on how to fix whatever it is you’re going through postpartum. I don’t have the answers, just ideas. If something on this list is not relevant for you or doesn’t serve you well, DON’T DO IT! Yes, it really is that simple. Find what works for you, your family, and your life. As someone who had to learn to be flexible (thank you anxious tendencies) the learning curve that is the day-to-day of parenting is not my most favorite thing but a necessary one nonetheless.

 

9. “It’s just a season, you’re doing great, mama!”

Ok, I know I said I wouldn’t say this but it needs to be said (and not as a cliche). Because it truly is just a season and you truly are doing great, mama! What a blessing you are to your little one and what a vital component you are to keeping your family running. Just as there are needs you can’t meet (because, again, YOU CAN’T DO IT ALL), there are also needs that ONLY YOU can meet. And what a gift that is.